HELLOMUFFIN! Background

Hellomuffin!

Welcome to Muffinville. A small town like any other small town. Muffinville has a Mayor who doesn't do anything, a university, and a McDonald's restaurant, which is just like any other McDonald's restaurant.

People aren't particularly religious. You'd think they were, because George W. Bush was raised in Muffinville, and we see how he turned out. But they're not.

Right outside Muffinville lies a hill, atop of which lies a castle.

Muffinville Castle

The Castle has a four towers, three meters thick walls (into which people were masoned in the Middle Ages), and forty-two secret rooms. The following items are banned within the Grounds: Plastic, gold-plated gold ware, faux-torch lamps, any variants over the theme of chrome, chandeliers made before 1920, and Swedes*.

Muffinville Castle is the pride of Muffinville. The Castle Comittee has its own tax pot so that the Castle can be kept up-to-date with all kinds of conveniences.

Elvis could have lived there. But he's dead -- so who is supposed to make use of this magnificent palace?

Alternatives of proper use, either as a symbol of the Greatness of Muffinville, or as a strong income to compensate for the massive amounts of resources already laid into it, came up.

1. Residence for the Greatest Son of Muffinville: The Guy Who Bred the Muffincat.** He put life and soul into making the world a better place. He vowed to breed the largest, friendliest and fluffiest cat breed imaginable: The muffincat. Unfortunately, he died from an onset of gallopping diabetes following the delivery of his first pure muffinkitten litter.

2. Residence for filthy rich Muffinvillers. Unfortunately, no Muffinviller can (or ever could) afford to live at the Castle for more than two hours.

3. Residence for filthy rich non-Muffinvillers. Ingvar Kamprad (the guy who founded IKEA in 1943) proposed to buy the Castle in exchange for free IKEA-furniture to all inhabitants of Muffinville. He was downvoted in the City Council with 71 to 2 votes.

4. Commercial purposes: Thankfully, no one ever conceived the idea of creating a reality show.

5. What if a Championship would be held, where the Champions were rewarded with Castle residency? Every month new contestants could challenge them, and every new Champion would take the old Champion's place in the Castle.

This way Muffinville would make a considerable increase in tourist money -- something they'd been deprived of up until then, because Muffinvillers are disagreeable in general, and, better yet for the sake of decision, the Mayor would get something else to do than play Sudoku from nine to five every day of the week.

Muffinvillers don't tend to make themselves noticed in any particular way, so only one option was open for the nature of the Championship: Street fighting!

The laws and rules of the Championship were written into a tome and locked up in the deepest basements of the Castle. Muffinville's soccer field Ballelujah Lane was transformed into a huge arena one day every month.

For practical reasons, three fortunate young Muffinvillers would be chosen, by the founder, as immune residents.

Meaning that no matter how many times their asses would be kicked, they'd still remain residents of Muffinville Castle.

Shaka was already there when Marcus arrived.

Violet sailed in like a much too fresh breeze.

The three of them held down the fort surprisingly long: The first challenger to gain entry was a half-ton sumo-wrestler, who won by landing on Shaka. They sent in the avalanche dog Bernie to rescue her and found her after 72 hours.

Shortly after the incidence with the whale porn, the sumo wrestler was challenged and defeated in the Championship by Mike Tyson, and that, as they say, is that.

More stories on these nuts.

*Scandinavians drink far more beer than normal people. A drunk Swede visited Muffinville Castle in 1996, and he accidentally followed nature's call in a sixteenth-century vase.

To his defense it must be said that the vase in question was located in the common restroom, and it had indeed been used as a lavatory in the sixteenth century. Still, Muffinville City Council felt it'd be for the better to ban Swedes on a permanent basis, to make sure such desecrations wouldn't happen again.

The fact that the Swede wasn't a Swede at all, but a Norwegian, carrying Norwegian passport, currency and beer on him, escaped them. Most Muffinvillers believe Norway is the capital of Sweden anyway.

**The muffincat is irresponsibly cute. Unless your muffincat is of the particular foul-mouthed breed, most people are likely to develop type two-diabetes within a year or two of ownership.

The castle in the pictures is Kilkenny Castle and Garden in Kilkenny, Ireland. It was built by William the Earl Marshall and completed in 1213. Pictures were borrowed here and the info here.