Three characters are immune in the internal and external sense: Violet, Marcus and Shaka. Get used to them, because I'll never get rid of these three. In the long run other people come and go. This makes the comic more interesting to write for a restless writer, and more interesting to read for you, the patient reader.

Anchors:
Violet | Marcus | Shaka | The Mayor | Andreas
Mike | Dr Evil | Pie | Ron | Maki | George | Usama

Full name: Violet Carbonara Bing.
Age: 19. Spends time on: Part-time job at McDonald's. Brings home: Whatever comes drifting along. Relevance: Violet has immunity in the Muffinville Championship.

Violet's sense of humour is just messed up. If something is gross, Violet laffs.

She's the typical kind of person popular people don't like. Because although Violet cares a lot about what other people think, she cares less than other non-popular Muffinvillers. In Muffinville, popular people can't stand that attitude.

She's naturally suspicious. It's difficult to trick Violet to believe whatever it is you want to trick her to believe. It's damned near impossible -- She's just not gullible. Unfortunately, ungullibility doesn't compensate for her shortness of intelligence. Just a little bit.

As for Violet's job at McDonald's: She despises it only somewhat less than she despises her boss, who hits on her in the dry-goods storeroom on a regular basis. After gaining immunity in the Muffinville Championship, Violet stays because of the habit, and because of the food.

She's half Italian. And she's an immune resident. The chain of events leading to this goes as follows.

Before Violet quit school, she already knew Marcus so-so. Remember that Violet is naturally ungullible. For the reason of challenge alone, Marcus made a bet with a rather powerful friend, George, that:

1. If Violet were drunk, and
2. George gave Violet immunity in Muffinville Castle, then
3. She could be led into the false belief that the residency had been paid for in naturalia.

Appearance: Black hair, blue eyes, BMI above 25, no shoulders whatsoever. She's strangely attractive, yet it's said she has the weirdest-looking body in Muffinville. There's little chance that this is not true. TOP

Full name: Marcus Eisenhower.
Age: 24. Prefers: Anything but men!! Activities include: Memorizing latin names of body parts. Learning pointless languages like Klingon and Fortran. Relevance: Marcus has immunity in the Championship.

Meet Muffinville's most dedicated university-, computer- and linguistics geek. He loves to talk about books he's learned by heart and weird programming languages. Very intelligent, asocial, wearing glasses, scared of girls, even more scared of boys.

So Marcus sounds like any average geek. Fortunately, there are a couple interesting attributes to him apart from geekdom. They are as follows.

1. He tries, more or less subconsciously, to get Violet's attention. It is based on the "opposites attract"-principle.

2. He's directly related to the thirty-fourth US president Dwight D. Eisenhower.

3. He's unaware that Violet has an irrational but powerful weakness for unincompetent presidents and associations thereof.

Coincidentally enough, Marcus's relation to president Eisenhower doesn't have anything to do with Marcus's Castle residency. This is how it came to pass.

When he was still a common nerd, Marcus went to the movie theater to see "Love Actually" (a better movie than you'd think). It so happened that George, the fellow who founded the Championship, were present, had a heart attack, went into cardiac arrest, and became very close to making the world a better place, ie. leaving it.

Whatever Marcus was thinking is one thing. He revived George. So for the sake of nothing, really, it wasn't Violet who paid for residency in naturalia ("naturalia" being a loose definition of anything with a potential use as payment which isn't interchangeable with money under normal circumstances).

Marcus is convinced Shaka is gay, so paradoxically enough he doesn't find her intimidating at all.

Appearance: Tall, thin, brown hair, green eyes, large glasses, would've been particularly good-looking if it weren't for all that. TOP

Full name: Too difficult to pronounce. It sounds like shakashakashakashakashakashaka-bhai when she says it. Age: She's able to elude the answer to this question. Could be 20-25.

Would hook up with: The weirdest creatures. Other than that, Shaka makes rude comments on representants from whichever gender, and just when you'd least expect it. Daytime activities: She goes to Hell mansion outside Muffinville sometimes to get cigarettes. Relevance: Shaka has immunity in the Championship.

Shaka likes everybody. It's impossible not to like Shaka back. Unless you're particularly disagreeable yourself and dislike people in general because they dislike you, again because you are disagreeable. Even if this were you, you'd like Shaka.

But it's hard to get to know her. For some reason she doesn't like talking about herself. Shaka can elude the subject of herself very elegantly. This might be the reason she became a Muffinviller: Muffinvillers prefer talking about 1. themselves or 2. whatever's taking place within the boundaries of Muffinville.

She smiles and smiles, unless, on rare occasions, she's moved to tears. She's not able to feel disgust. She attracts people like whichever analogy. She's attractive, yet pleasant. In other words: Shaka doesn't behave like a normal human being. Marcus's three theories on this go as follows:

1. Shaka is an undercover human-subject experiment who has escaped from the facility, protecting her freedom by living in Muffinville and withholding personal details.

2. Shaka, delusional and amnesiac, is a close relative of the Mayor and was given immunity as a means of protection from the FBI, after she murdered Kennedy in 1963.

3. Shaka is a space alien from another planet, where she used to be a princess in an imperial family and grew up secluded from the public, which is why she now protects herself from the harm that public exposure can be the cause of.

She was the first immune resident. Nobody knows how come.

Appearance: These things on Shaka are large to massive: Butt, hair, ears, breasts, nose. These things are less developped: Brains. Grey skin, red eyes. Always wearing a gold headband. TOP

Constant lesser character.
Full name: Unbeknownst. Age: Likewise.

The Mayor is a less diligent, more eccentric communal figure of authority. There is a City Council, but they leave most administrative work to her, being either too lazy or too dumb themselves to be bothered.

The city of Muffinville doesn't offer too much work, it seems, considering that the Mayor is so adept in sudoku now that her skills can be considered a minor super-power.

She knows everything that's going on in Muffinville, paradoxically. She wears one hat or another at all times, adorned with a headband that says "Muffinville Mayor".

She collects swords, Isron's Silver Sword being her main object of desire. She is the only other person in Muffinville, other than Shaka herself, who knows what Shaka is. TOP

Constant lesser character.
Age: 24.

Andreas is one of Marcus's classmates. Marcus considers him a well of advice when it comes to girls and people, seeing as Andreas manages to do something Marcus would like to do: Walk the line between sociability and geekiness.

Sometimes Andreas's advices work, sometimes they don't.

Andreas loves computer games and is easily absorbed in them, Sid Meier's "Civilization IV" being one of the top favs. As an unlikely prospect but a fitting description: If he were ever put into a mental asylum, he'd be one of those people thinking they were Napoleon. TOP

Current lesser character.
Full name: Mike Gerard Tyson. Age: 39.

Mike is huge, mean and dumber than toast. He speaks two languages, English and Bad English, and he's particularly eloquent with the latter when he threatens opponents, or potential opponents, before boxing matches, or in situations regarded by him as potential boxing matches, ie. every time he opens his mouth and something verbal comes out.

Mike collects ears and prefers to keep his boxing gloves on. He thinks Pie is his wife and Shaka is black. The reason for the former is that Pie was the female accidentally closest in range one time Mike was horny from watching too much MTV (about ten minutes).

The reason for the latter is that Shaka's skin is more grey than white. Any person who isn't white is, to Mike, black. This means Shaka is black, Usama is black, and Maki is black. TOP

Current lesser character. Real name: Who knows? He's so evil even his co-workers call him dr Evil. He truly is unequivocally and utterly evil. Age: Old enough to have a premature heart attack. He is, however, known maintain a healthy diet and exercises regularly. This is surely only part of his evil scheme.

So what is this human pimple doing here? Well, dr Evil is Marcus's biochemistry professor at Muffinville University.

How can he be allowed to teach when he's known to be evil? you might ask. Well, dr Evil has made sure to be fully competent within the field of biochemistry, so that nobody can deny him to teach. Dr Evil hates teaching, but because he's evil, he teach anyway.

He also hates students and potential students. He hates everyone which doesn't have a doctorate, including everybody from newborn babies to housewives to his own mom and dad.

Apart from his obsession with cholesterol synthesis and everything that has to do with cholesterol and its derivatives, dr Evil doesn't like anything. Instead he just hates everything, maybe for the sake of simplicity.

But he weren't born evil, were he? How did he become evil? Marcus proposes three theories as to why dr Evil is evil.

1. Dr Evil was sexually abused by his father as a little boy, and he figures this isn't his father's fault, but the world's. Now he wants revenge for his lost innocence.

2. Dr Evil is picked on by the other professors in the biochemistry department because he's Bulgarian and speaks with an accent. Now he takes out his frustrations elsewhere.

3. Dr Evil was assigned to an underground, dungeon-like laboratory at the University. Gradually he went with the style of being the evil professor and became truly evil.

Or perhaps dr Evil is socially incompetent and drives people away by being himself? Deep down he wants to be friendly, but he doesn't know how. TOP

Current lesser character. Also called: The Parasite. This was her nickname in the Muffinville Championship. The name doesn't have an apparent source, seeing as Pie doesn't have any apparent parasitic properties. Age: In her twenties.

Pie gained temporary Castle residency by kicking Violet's butt in the Championship. She carries a backpack, inside which her sidekick Usama hides.

Pie is always right. She knows something about everything and is very intellectual indeed. Interestingly, Pie turned out to be one of the extremely few people Shaka didn't like at first glance.

Why? Because Pie never ever displays her true personality. Shaka doesn't even know her, as does nobody else.

Mike cares less about chick stuff such as personalities and the lack of them. He claimed Pie as his wife following an incident including a recliner and ten minutes of MTV. Fortunately enough Pie has a weak spot for black boxers, and she doesn't at all mind being claimed as Mike's wife every now and then. TOP

Current lesser character. Full name: Vanisron Snipp-Sabinarii, Ron for short. His real name is Isron. Also known as: Satan. Age: Which would make him about as old as God.

It's the same Satan you'd think he were, but he's far from the person you'd expect him to be. Ron is tall, good-looking, charming and bisexual. If you touch his horns, you turn gay for 24 hours.

Just don't make the mistake of thinking Ron's nice. With nice people you can allow yourself to assume they're not suddenly going to turn evil for whichever lame reason. Ron ranges his alignment according to any event beyond his control. This means that on a bad day, Ron's a nasty piece of work, a real jerk, a right asshole. Which is where he got his reputation from.

Ron isn't the person you want to discuss coffee or geography with. Reason: He instantly turns evil if the word "YAVA" is mentioned. The only way to make him good again is to make him laugh. This is luckily not too hard.

Ron is a rich fellow. He owns Hell Mansion right outside Muffinville. He resides on the mansion and runs a tobacco refinery there. Correction: He makes smokes, but they don't contain tobacco. And they're apparently not sold anywhere else in Muffinville, or the world.

The only thing known about the Hell cigarettes is that if you smoke them, you'll automatically be enlisted as a member of Ron's harem.

But Ron's harem isn't a regular harem. For example: The relation of the haremee toward the haremist is strictly platonic. The functon of Ron's harem is non-existant as such.

So what the hell is the point of Ron's harem? A function is known to exist, but it's unknown. The Hell smokes are involved somehow. Only time will show what Ron wants with his harem.

Shaka and Violet are currently members of Ron's harem, Shaka being a VIP. TOP

Current lesser character. Full name: You could ask him, but he'd only say Hai!. Age: This is really impossible to say. He could be anywhere between 12 and 45.

Maki challenged Violet in the Muffinville Championship and won when Violet was distracted by George. Now Maki would most likely have won nonetheless: He brings a black sword with him wherever he goes, which he pretty much knows how to use.

Muffinville being Muffinville, Marcus and Shaka can't place Maki's hailage with a gun to their heads. So far he's been placed as Austrian, (decidedly) non-Austrian, Australian, and Arab.

To cut to the chase: Maki's big secret is his enormous crush, or let's call it obsession, with Violet. Believe it or leave it: Maki is fascinated with Violet and everything about her.

He would commit seppuku before letting anybody know. Which is sad, because Violet is unwillingly dealing with the antiparallel dilemma.

Maki is a head shorter than most Muffinvillers. He looks like he's run face-first into a brick wall. He wears his thick gi and hakama and sword at all times.

Nobody could possibly know anything about Maki, simply because no real Muffinviller can speak any other language than English. Sometimes Maki seems to understand English, sometimes he doesn't.

At any rate no other word comes out of him but Hai!. TOP

Current lesser character. Full name: George Walker Bush. Age: 60. Relevance: George is probably ashamed by it, but his hometown where he grew up was never Midland and Houston, Texas, but Muffinville. This is the least exciting one out of the current number of government conspiracies.

Because of George's current status as the fourty-third US president, the Muffinville City Council considers him one of the greatest sons of Muffinville. They managed to talk George into founding the Muffinville Championship.

So George founded the Championship, wrote the rulebook, and selected the three immune residents of Muffinville Castle. Then he went back to Washington DC.

Occasionally he comes back and visits the Castle in order to do these things: 1. Say hi to Marcus, 2. Eat their food, and 3. Make a move on Shaka. He's the same brainless turd that he ever was on TV.

Remember that Violet has a weakness for unincompetent presidents? George has, time after time, proven himself to be an inunincompetent president, so he doesn't leave the remotest flicker of a speck on Violet's natural unincompetent president radar. TOP

Past lesser character. Full name: Usama Hussain al-Tikriti. Age: 22. Relevance: None. Usama was present as Pie's sidekick, hiding in her backpack. Nobody knows what she was doing in there, but it seemed to be her natural habitat.

Usama was short, eyes large, face chubby, and she would smile, smile and smile until you'd get scared and leave.

Because of Usama's chronic constipation problem, Pie invented a crane for her with which Usama's could empty her crap into a specially designed crap-quill. This was the only way Usama could relieve herself. The only way to relieve the crap-quill would be to write with it in a special crap-book, which had special crap-absorbing paper.

Usama met her end when Ron obstructed the crane and Mike, subsequently, sat on her. TOP

This comic will never break the fourth wall.
Everything on this site is under Copyright © 2005 unless otherwise noted. All rights reserved.

Index | People | Background | Graphics and Arts | Extras | Archives | Comments | Mayor | Commissions | Links